Heresy

Saudade

Language is the way we bring existence to our lives.  That is why I think it is magical to discover words that exist in one language and not another, creating feelings that an entire community can or cannot experience.  

The story of a tiny village in central Africa comes to mind.  In the language spoken there, the word sadness did not exist.  This village, like many others in Africa, had been the victim of absolute poverty, hunger, war, displacement and, of course, AIDS.  More than half of the village was infected and several researchers noticed how mourning never ended in this population in particular.  The lives of the widows and children were still covered by an invisible veil of sorrow that would not go away.  After inquiring, they realized that the word sadness did not exist in their language and they created it, describing the meaning, the magnitude of the feelings associated with sadness and then, the mourning, the true grief of each of the inhabitants began.  They had discovered in language a door to let out their pain, by experiencing sadness, a feeling that was now possible, they could mourn and carry on with their lives without that invisible veil that no one seemed to understand.

Today I learned a new word in Portuguese from a friend.  Saudade.  It is the feeling of desire for something or someone you had but is no longer there, for a reason we know they will not come back.  Even deeper yet, Saudade refers to something we would have wanted in our lives and we think will never come.  It is a word that comes close to a feeling similar to longing, but it is even deeper and has a connotation of loss.

However, and here is the heresy for today, Saudade describes that feeling of emptiness without sadness or without making that someone or the situation wrong, without thinking that it is a bad thing that it or he/she is no longer there, or does not exist.  That is to say, experiencing the emptiness from the perfection of emptiness itself.  Saudade goes away or ceases to exist when we approach that certain something or someone or we fill the emptiness with their presence.  That is to say, how can I miss what I am bringing into my life?

This heresy is an invitation to discover the magical meaning of Saudade: experience based on emptiness infinite appreciation for what we are not, for what we do not have, without associating any judgment with the situation, without thinking that it is bad for a person to have died, or to be far away, that we no longer have that job, understanding that everything is perfect and feeling the emptiness based on love.  Therefore, Saudade is a clean expression of love that understands even the perfection of the absence of our loved one, and that in turn teaches us that we cannot miss what is in our heart, because we have already brought it into our lives.

I will continue to experience this new feeling of Saudade that my friend Joseph brought into my life through language.

 

The power of choice

This heresy is another result of my experience from reviewing the Landmark Forum last weekend.  The truth is that the number of distinctions during the course would give us a whole year full of heresies.  So here goes one of these heretic distinctions: deciding is opting for an alternative after carefully considering the reasons we have or do not have, choosing is selecting an alternative based on freedom, based on Nothing, connecting to the core of our being, with our own essence, that is, choosing does not depend on reason, we choose simply because we choose to.

The thing with decisions is like Ruben Blades puts it, behind each decision, there is “someone who wins, someone who loses”, basically because my reasons will always be incomplete.  They will never be enough.  My reasons are my reasons and seen from another standpoint, there is a million more reasons.  That is to say, life is full of reasons, but they mean nothing.  Reasons are simply the product of the way you look at things.  That is why decisions are susceptible to questioning, that is why the result of such questioning is inevitably a judgment based on the perspective of existing reasons.

The heresy lies in the choice, as an alternative to the decision.  Choosing from on Nothing, choosing simply because you choose to.  We can make choices when we are really in tune with our self.  When we have greased the cable that connects us to our heart.  When we live knowing that our essence recognizes the alternative to our happiness.  The magic of choosing is that you don’t need a reason, or you can even go against all existing reasons.  The power is infinite because that choice comes from the deepest corners of our being, because it is our choice.

Choices may not be understood.  That’s okay. They don’t have to be understood.  The most important thing is to experience the power of choosing, because we are at liberty to do so, because our choices are the reflection of our intimacy with our own heart.

And, as Ruben Blades say: when we decide... "someone loses, someone wins, Hail Mary!"

                    

Campaign for unreasonableness

It is a commonly accepted paradigm that reason is something good and irrationality is insane, yes, by definition.  This is why we think we have to have reasons for everything.  Reasons for each action, thought, word, action and omission; we judge ourselves and we judge others for each reason that is missing and we even have moments of anxiety when our heart offers alternatives that are not based on any reason at all.

And the unreasonable?  Immediate judgment is insanity and insanity requires treatment.  Insanity is a disease.  It even requires reclusion.  Things that are unreasonable must even find a reason strong enough to pacify their violence and become an appropriate, well grounded, duly documented explanation.  This is how we declare the victory of reason and feel good about ourselves.

My heresy is that irrationality makes sense.  Irrationality is the manifestation of the passion felt by the direction of dreams and even if it cannot find a reason or explanation, it dares to act, it dares to live.  Irrationality is a manifestation of love, a symptom that the heart is pumping, a statement of life.  

When we are in love, we feel more alive than ever, and the more irrational we are, there is nothing that can stop us, intimidate us, convince us not to carry on.  When we are in love, nothing is impossible.  There is simply no reason good enough to quiet our heart.  That is the greatest display of irrationality.  If you can be totally unreasonable in the name of love, why not declare your irrationality in your own life in the name of the love for yourself?

When are we going to stop postponing our dreams for any little reason that crosses our path?  When are we going to stop postponing our life in search for a reason that is good enough to live it fully?  When are we going to stop living, pretending to be alive?  When are we going to stop needing reasons?  Let’s be deeply unreasonable when it comes to happiness.  Let’s be completely unreasonable when it comes to life.  Aren't we alive? 

Do I have to give you another reason?

 

Fascination

I have had the calling to be a teacher ever since I can remember and I played teacher more that I played house; I was a teacher for my friends through school.  After that, I was a TA at college, I started out as a college professor even before I graduated from my Bachelors degree.  I have been a professor at the Universidad Javeriana Graduate School for almost seven years and I am still at awe over everything this experience has brought into my life, so many lessons learned that I am breathless every time I think of the faces of my students, with their names written in front of me, their questioning eyes, their comments, their doubts, their concerns, but above all, their presence in my life.  Feeling how they have become a part of me and they are going to live in my heart forever: they became my teachers, my friends… life has been so generous!

All my life, I have felt the judgment and the urge to “protect” myself, hiding to avoid more judgment and criticism; this has created walls built by the fear and the pain, and that made me create the image of a “witch” toward my students, until their generosity let them see the twinkle in my eyes, the sincerity of my smile and they came to embrace my soul.  I thank them for being so patient and for knowing how to discover me once and again.

My heresy is that we hurt ourselves even more by protecting ourselves.  Our idea of protection is a layer of selfishness that will not allow us to share the most beautiful thing we have: our own essence.  My heresy is that we should stand before the Universe with our soul exposed and offer our being with generosity: our brother and sister souls will come to us and we will receive the fascination of infinite love, acceptance, true friendship.

I cannot help but smile when I think of them.  We went out to eat a couple of days ago and I had a conversation I would have never dreamed of with them; we embraced each others’ souls, laughed, smiled and cried.  They spoke to me using words that only true friends use.  They questioned me like only love can question.  They embraced my essence and there were no spaces between us.  We were already a cosmic amalgamation that, regardless of the paths our lives may follow, will remain a part of our lives.  I am fascinated by this gift from the Universe.  I love them deeply and thank them for each moment shared.  These students, others, that I might never seen again, those who passed through my life many years ago and have never come around again, all the beautiful souls, thank you for making me grow.  I will say it again; I love you from the bottom of my heart and with all my insanity!

Here is a video that they, the ones from the dinner, will understand …

Today I am grateful

Today I’m grateful.  Mainly for the love that has filled me up forever, but especially since last Monday when I shared my fear with my friends.  Thanks for all the energy that reached me, embraced me, protected me, covered me and finally, healed me.  Thanks for a life experience that made me wonder a great deal, stretched the rubber band and made me learn so much in just a few hours.

Today I am grateful because the results of my tests were perfect and the only conclusion the doctor could reach is that the cause of my pain is stress.  Today I literally feel like I am born again, life has given me a million more opportunities and the infinite gift of having valued it, because there are times when you can't find the dimension of the importance of being alive.

My heresy today is reconfirming that my religion is love.  There is no fuller life than the life you live planting love in the hearts of so many beautiful people to harvest it at times like those I have been through over the last few days.  Today I feel infinitely rich, rich in love, rich in experiences, rich in life, rich at heart.  Today I wouldn’t change places with anyone I am so happy to imagine the faces and hugs of all the friends who wrote me, who thought of me, who accompanied me, who sent all their love... 

Amidst the gratitude is my vow to all of you, my commitment to continue valuing life the way I value it now, to live intensely, even more intensely, to share each lesson, to leave a piece of my skin on every wire fence,  to live each instant and smile amidst a million chats, embraces and heresies that have led me to discover what I love most in life: the people I have in my Universe... all of you, my friends!

So here are the thanks, the love, and my signature deep hug!

 

Today I am alive

Today I had the pleasure to lead an innovation workshop for Baxter and share time with beautiful people, with warm hearts, including some of my students from the past, which fills my soul with happiness.  This heresy came from the workshop and an exercise I had assigned as homework.  The heresy suggests we declare one day each month – whatever day we want – to remind ourselves we are alive, because unfortunately, we tend to forget.

The exercise consisted of everyone doing something other than what they normally do, break the routine, innovate, before coming to the workshop.  That something could be as simple as changing their hairstyle, putting their watch on the other hand, changing the radio station, the route to class, the daily routine, anything.  By sharing their experiences, their words were the reflection of how uncomfortable any change in our lives can be.  They experienced frustration, resistance, anxiety.  However, they also discovered that some of these activities gave them an interesting alternative that they would be happy to experience again and they felt they had discovered something positive that they wanted to make a part of their lives.  In other words, they remembered that they were alive!

At what point in our life did we decide that everything had already been invented and let our routine become the only mold that will wind up killing us little by little?  At what point did we choose to stop being alive? In today’s heresy, I suggest we declare the “being alive day” to experience something new in our lives that will remind us we are not dead, that we cannot let ourselves die.

And with today’s heresy, I would like to thank life for reminding me I am alive, and I thank each of my friends for all the love you have sent me.  I am on my way to my MRI, thanks for being there for me.

 

I am afraid

This heresy of mine is the nudist space where I show my soul to the Universe and connect to It.  Today is one of those days where I take it all off.  I need it today more than ever because today I am afraid, very afraid...

There’s a simple reason behind it: I have experienced the fragility of life up close so many times.  I have suffered the loss of people that were so important to me that my life has become a chant to the imminence of living based on essence and passion, not letting the days go by, understanding that at any time, the safety of being alive can be threatened and, of course, I have lived my life as a heretic and crazy woman, but a happy heretic, finally.

I went to the neurosurgeon today, because I’ve had a few symptoms that were making me worry.  The problem is that they made him worry enough to have me get an emergency MRI because he thinks I may have a brain aneurysm.  With a history of an uncle who died from the same cause and my background with the fragility of life, so many thoughts have gone through this head of mine from the moment in which these possibilities came about...

So today, I’m afraid.  I am not sure about my heresy today.  The first thing that comes to mind is knowing that everything is perfect, no matter what it is, and that life has me in its hands and will put me wherever I have to be, for my growth and learning.  My second heresy would be that I believe so much in the power of love, energy and connection, that it is my religion, and I am asking the Universe and you, to connect to my soul this Wednesday, February 18, 2009 at 12:30 p.m., when I have the MRI.

Last but not least, every event is a learning experience.  No matter what the result of this new adventure in my life, it has already made me grow.  Thanks for the love.

 

Niagara on a bike

It happens to all of us.  At some point in life, we feel like we are going over "the Niagara on a bicycle", like we are going down the wrong way on a one-way street, or vice versa, we feel like what we have at hand is not enough to deal with our current challenges, even the little ones, like our clothes don’t fit us...

Then the dominos start to fall, one after another, more difficulties arise, there is always more bad news, like Juan Luis Guerra says: "...don’t tell me the doctors left, don’t tell me there’s no anesthetic, don’t tell me they drank all the alcohol and the thread was sewn onto a tablecloth...". Don’t tell me, but they tell me.

The musical heresy for today is meant to find the positive effect that we need in Juan Luis’ cheerful notes, when the only thing we have is a bicycle and we are going over the Niagara Falls, and finally, the wisest part of the song, “take it easy Bobby, take it easy”.  My heresy is that no matter how great the challenge and how absurd the situation we are in, we have to keep in mind the words of the “nurse with Ben-Gay hands” and find peace in our soul, simply “knowing” that everything is going to be all right.  Because it is all right.  At the end of the day, today is perfect and so will be tomorrow.

When you least expect it, we will have the Niagara behind us, perhaps the bicycle will be there too, and we will be fully empowered by the experience, with the tools for the next Niagara that gets in our way!

Translation Note:  This heresy takes the lyrics of the song “El Niagara en Bicicleta” and interprets them into life. To fully understand it you should listen to the song and translate the lyrics. 

                        

The passion fruit effect

This heresy came from a joke and a thousand smiles with a story about someone they call “passion fruit” for his incredible ability to “tangle things up”, in colombian slang, which can be translated as an enormous power of influence over others. 

I took this little term to my class this week and a comment made by one of my students sounded incredibly like  “passion fruit”: an application of the art of marketing to lead customers to buy a product that does not necessarily add the most value, or perhaps they do not even need. In short, the “passion fruit effect” is the cornerstone of a consumer society ignited by the effect of modern marketing, with all the hype.

Of course, I have nothing against marketing.  I love it.  I work with it.  I teach it and I learn about it every day.  My heresy is that the problem lies in the fact that the “passion fruit” effect is a short-term illusion, if what we are selling is just passion fruit and not a product that actually adds value.  Passion fruit is sweet and enjoyable, but the cost of selling by tangling things up is the reality that people will not continue to be misled for long.  So in the end, no one is in for the long haul.

And the situation gets even more complicated when we apply the passion fruit effect to our relationships and we think that the way to sweep someone off their feet is by “tangling things up”.  Over time, the effect wears off and we stop adding value.  This generates empty spaces in our relationships that are eventually impossible to bear.  Our customer, in this case, our partner, understands that you cannot keep a true relationship going based on the “Passion fruit effect” and we eventually lose them – even though in some cases, their body is still by our side -.

So although the “passion fruit effect” is tempting and fun, it is another way of creating short-term hopes that eventually have to be backed by a reality that will add value to the other… otherwise, the story will not have a happy ending.

Drivers wanted

I was teaching a class to a spectacular group of students today, and we discussed the divine and human about Volkswagen’s "Drivers Wanted" campaign; this campaign has one of my favorite slogans: “On the road of life, there are drivers and there are passengers.  Drivers wanted". Of course, I couldn’t pass up the chance to discuss the depth of such a proposal and that is when this heresy was born, and I have dedicated it to them, my students, these students and all of those who have passed through my life: they have been my teachers and have become my friends.

We can be spectators of life, or we can take control and choose to steer it ourselves, choose what we want and simply take it.  My heresy is an invitation to be the drivers of our own life, my heresy is simply the search for drivers, deep souls willing to take the risk and the cost of knowing what we want and take responsibility for our own happiness...

What about you? Are you a driver or are you a passenger of your own life?  Drivers wanted!!!

The freedom that never comes

I just managed to understand it, after a life devoted to the infinite search for freedom, the “struggle” for freedom, my freedom, I now understand this instant that freedom is not a state, but a journey, a way to go about life.  All I can do is smile!

And the author of this heresy that has enlightened me today is my teacher, Richard Bach, with his impeccable Jonathan Livingston Seagull.  Freedom is not a final stage, freedom is a life choice you make each second.  Being free means understanding that, every instant, we choose to live the adventure of finding our own purpose.  Being free depends on nothing and no one outside of us, because being free is a choice.  Today I discovered the heresy of my life: freedom is a choice

And if freedom is a choice, the responsibility we have to our soul and the wind is in our hands.  It is so easy and convenient to think and feel that we are not capable because something outside of us is limiting us.  It is so easy to feel that we have no power because we lack freedom in one way or another... but no, it turns out we have all the power in the Universe, the power to choose to be free, the power to choose to live based on freedom.

That is why freedom never comes, because freedom is not a destination.  Freedom is an attitude we use to choose to travel the path of our life.  And that has changed everything for me.